Wednesday 11th November 2015.
Strange how some days just feel different. Today was one of those, ending with a nice calm feeling.
All my life the 11th of November has been a sad day because as well as being Armistice Day, it is also the anniversary of the deaths of both my maternal grandfather and grandmother. He was slaughtered in 1914 and she died seven years later officially of tuberculous but, according to family history, ‘a broken heart’. My mother was left orphaned at 14, so the devastation caused by war is something of which I have been aware all my life. This year, it has been a nice kind of strange day instead.
For a wee while now I have felt rather overwhelmed by all the work involved in planning, organising, sorting, packing etc., for moving into my partner’s home and preparing my own flat for renting . It was perhaps not the thing to undertake immediately prior to cancer surgery but I’ve never been one to do things simply.
Anyway, a couple of days ago my perception suddenly changed as I realised that slowly things are coming together, and today I noticed a complete shift in my feelings towards the whole project. It is no longer as daunting by any means.
Because of the limitations imposed by my current health (or lack of, I have only been able to ‘supervise’ the sorting and packing while my partner, Walter, did the donkey work. There’s still a long way to go before all my things are transferred and we create enough space to get other things belonging to both of us out of storage, but it all seems perfectly feasible now.
When I went into hospital in September I felt the weight of the decision to move my home at the same time, even though I knew it made perfect sense, especially at a time when I needed so much practical support from my partner. Then, a problem during my hysterectomy resulted in an external drain from my kidney delaying my recovery and making me far less able to face much meanwhile.
I am an incorrigible hoarder and, as a result of memory loss arising from grand mal seizures from childhood to my 50s, I need my souvenirs, photo albums etc., as aide memoires. I started dreading not having enough room to keep them but this doubt is fast subsiding. I felt said weight getting heavier until I managed to get various drawers filled a couple of days ago and realised we are getting on top of it at long last.
I am due to go back into hospital on Monday 16 Nov to get the drain and stent removed, but this time I can go in feeling so much lighter. I will then get a date for my chemotherapy to start but, rather than dreading it because it was going to be yet one more thing standing in the way of my plans, I am now rather looking forward to tackling it in the knowledge that other things are indeed under control after all.
Onwards and upwards….