I’m soooooo pissed off with my body being completely perverse that I’ve got to the point where I absolutely hate the nephrostomy with a vengeance bordering on obsessive. It’s becoming a nightmare so perhaps this is quite apt for Halloween.
I have a date for the surgery to remove the kidney drain (16 Nov) so I keep telling myself that I have to think of the time left as ONLY another fortnight. However, it’s awfae hard not to think of it as YET another fortnight! So, I have to decide if the blessed Glass Of Life is half full or half empty. Is it Trick or Treat time?
Is it ONLY two weeks or YET MORE weeks of every day, nay every bloody hour, checking the blasted thing in trepidation, never confident that it’s still working – consequently never knowing from one day to the next if I’ll be going back to hospital for flushes? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of not being able to sit down or turn or bend without the blasted thing twingeing? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of skin being demented by having the tubing taped to it? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of having to lie in one position to sleep? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of never being able to believe signals from the bladder – “warning, I’m full, empty me immediately” which turns out to be “only kidding, not got a drop to spare” ? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of feeling every blessed bump in the road so that even the shortest journey is a trial? ONLY two, or MORE weeks of wearing padding around my middle to protect the tube, which stops my clothes fitting properly? Most importantly, ONLY two, or MORE weeks of having a bag of piss fastened to my leg?
I know in the great scheme of things my irritation and frustration is minuscule but even wee nightmares can spoil one’s dreams.